Frah-gee-lay...I think it's Italian.

A couple of weeks ago, an amazing day happened.  It was called "Plant a Kiss Day," celebrated on 4/29/12, and it was a day where people spread random joy and love into the world.  From organizing a bubble flash mob, to cleaning a park, to leaving fortune kisses for arts festival attendees, 16 female bloggers from around the country set out to spread a message of hope, kindness and sharing through one small act.  The inspiration for this came from Amy Krouse Rosenthal's book Plant a Kiss.  

As an added bonus to plant a kiss day, the bloggers organized a blog hop party, in which prizes were given to lucky commenters who read about their individual plant a kiss experiences.  I've done something similar only once (left a random note in a chair at Starbucks, that said "to whomever reads this, you are loved, and you are ENOUGH"), but I loved doing it, so I excitedly joined in on reviewing each story  from these amazing and inspiring women.  Of course, I was also excited (akin to Ralphie's dad) at the idea of "winning a major award," though I certainly didn't expect it.  

Kinda glad it wasn't a fishnet leg lamp :)

SURPRISE!  I was a blog hop winner!!!  Woo hoo!!!  I was fortunate enough to receive a box of Fortune Kisses and a business card organizer from the fantastically crafty Kelley Walker.  The package came in the mail yesterday, and I opened it excitedly at work today.  I opened a fortune kiss that reads "the voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."-Proust.  On the opposite side it reads "short form: explore."   Now comes the hard but exciting part...what to do with each of these lovely fortune kisses?  I could keep them all to myself, (I certainly love the inspiration) but where is the fun in that??  Well...other than in my juvenile mind where I add "in bed" to the end of every fortune.  :)  

I figure the first place to pay it forward is here on this blog.  If you'd like to receive a fortune kiss, and some extra crafty homestead love, leave a comment on this entry and I will send you a fun package!  Beyond that, the sky's the limit, and I'm looking forward to exploring it. 

 

 

The List of Happy...Circa 1999

I've been on a massive decluttering mission at the homestead.  Particularly in our bedroom.  Our 7 year old ikea bed broke the other night (specifically, the metal bar in the middle that holds the mattress up broke) and this started the impetus of making changes in the bedroom.  In the midst of looking through our stuff, I found a folder of my writing from my teenage and college years.  The first thing I noticed was "damn, some of this stuff is REALLY good.  Screw you 9th grade English teacher for pissing on my dream of being a writer!" and the second thing I noticed was a list of happy I made (or more appropriate, a list of love) circa 1999 (age 21/22).  Given my last blog post, I thought it would be fun to share this list as well, and let you see the changes and similarities from two lists 13 years apart.  Enjoy!

The List of Happy, 1999

I love my mother, my family, Kevin, my friends...they mean more to me than anything else in this world
I love the sunset at the ocean in New England
I love music and the feelings it invokes
I love my European Beech tree, my spider plant and ivy and all other plants I own
I love living, laughing, smiling
I love really good food, and movies, and books
I love being outside, using my imagination, peace, understanding
I love moments of pure revelation, when there is a calm sense of order, like you got to sneak a peak at heavenly records
I love good memories, especially when I recall one that's been buried for a long time
I love knowing what is inside of me, finding true grace within me
I love that moment in crying when I start to laugh (and vice versa)
I love the colors cobalt blue and dark green
I love Christmas
I love being on stage, having people listen to me--I have something to say

The List of Happy

I've been trying to come up with a list of things that make me happiest lately.  I've made lists like this in the past, along with bucket lists, and to do lists, and much more.  (I like lists, a lot.)  And I think what's been holding me back with the list is worrying that it won't be all inclusive enough (what if i forget something?!?!...as if I could never change the list...I have to remind myself sometimes that the only rules I'm living by are my OWN) or that it won't be enviable enough (seriously, get over that one Kate) or that it won't include "accomplishments to have."  I'm journeying through the idea that accomplishments are not what they're cracked up to be and that it's not about what you do, but about what you love.  Do I really care if I learn Italian?  Will it get me one more day on this earth at the beach?  No, and being at the beach is what I want!  :)  

Today I visited www.superherojournal.com, my most favoritest blog on the web.  As I was looking through I saw that Andrea had written this guest post and it included this gem: 

"Let’s all make a list, a quick and dirty one, of what gives us energy, what lights a spark in us, what delights us." 

This finally gave me the impetus to write my list.  One that I didn't overthink, one that was complete stream of consciousness realization.  One that I said, "eh, that's complete enough for now."  And guess what, it made me happy. And that's what matters most. 

• The beach
• Time outside
• Hearing a favorite song
• An organized space
• Seeing/hearing/experiencing something beautiful
• A delicious warm beverage and a good book
• Breathing in a delicious smell (wood stove, lilacs, the ocean are all favorites)
• Violin music
• The warm sun on my face
• Flowers
• Farms
• Digging in the dirt
• Laughing without hesitation and reservation, a deepbellysoulfuluncontrollable laugh
• Good conversation
• Being in a space/place/outfit that feels like *me*
• Connecting with others, supporting each other
• Learning something new and fun
• Going somewhere I’ve never been (whether it’s the next town over or 5000 miles away)
• Finding/eating at a great restaurant
• Completing a crossword puzzle without looking up the answers
• Massages
• Discovering unexpected joy
• Dreaming
• Making something

Adventures in Soapmaking

Essential oils, glycerin soap, peppermint and lavender

I had to complete a final project for my herbs class, so I decided to try my hand at some herbal soapmaking.  I researched some recipes on line, and decided that going completely from scratch (using caustic and crazy-dangerous lye) was not really in the cards, but found some melt and pour glycerin soap recipes that looked very promising.  These generally involved cubing or shredding a bar of existing glycerin soap, melting it down with freshly made herb tea, and pouring it into soap molds.  Easy-peesy-lemon-squeezy, right? Not quite...

The basic recipe looked like this: 

• Boil 1/3 cup of water, add herbs, remove from heat and let steep for 15 minutes
• Grate one bar of glycerin soap
• Add herb/water mixture to a double boiler on medium heat
• Add grated glycerin and stir until melted
• Pour melted glycerin into soap molds and let cool.  Remove from molds once hardened 

Well, I didn't have a double boiler, so hubby looked up how to "make" a double boiler from what you already have and we went with this contraption.  

I also got sick of grating the soap, so I grated about half of it and cubed the rest.

Everything was going along except for one major problem, the glycerin wasn't exactly melting. : /  I put it in the microwave instead (a process recommended in another recipe) and that didn't really work either. 

In the end, it never melted and turned into powdery globs.  Unfortunately, I used all of my fresh peppermint in this one batch. *sigh* 

The next day I was back at it, this time with a double boiler in hand, thinking that may have been the issue.Unfortunately, even with the double boiler the glycerin didn't seem to want to melt completely, so I got it as melty as I thought it would get, and put it into the soap molds.  I made two bars with fresh french and english lavender and their essential oils, two bars with just lavender herbs, and one bar with just peppermint essential oil.  

The peppermint bar was a fly by the seat of the pants recipe...I added some extra water and less glycerin, which still didn't get the melty affect, and caused the bar to not be as hard as the others.  But man it smelled great!  

I'd say the best bars were the ones that used the lavender herbs and the essential oils.  They smelled great and formed well.  I presented the project for my class last night, and handed out some of the soaps for folks to keep (but kept the lavender w/oil bars :)) and spoke to a fellow student who had made soap for her project as well.  She used the glycerin soap available at Michael's crafts, while I had used soap from whole foods that had only two ingredients (glycerin and saponified coconut oil).  Hers melted completely to a liquid, so I'm wondering if it wasn't the saponified coconut oil that kept it from completely melting.

While this was frustrating, I'm interested in trying it again, perhaps with castile soap instead and some other ingredients. 

 
Happy crafting!

Let Gardening Season Begin!

The Garden, 4/16/12, Garlic on the left, Greens & Herbs on the right

 
To be honest, gardening season really began last fall with the planting of the garlic, and the garlic itself has been up for the better part of a month or two.  HOWEVER, gardening season began itself in earnest for me this weekend. 

Sunday we took a trip to the local garden center to get three bags of topsoil and three bags of moo doo to prepare the ground.  Lettuce is good to go in the ground at this time, so we also bought 6 green lettuce plant starts and 6 romaine lettuce plant starts.  Add to that cilantro and sage I grew in my herbs class and we are good to go!! 

First to go in the garden was the pile of oak leaves that had served as my garden's beautiful protector over the winter.  Raking leaves in the wind was a little bit of a challenge, but we managed to get most of it out. 

Seeing as I'm nearly 5 mos. pregnant, Hubby was kind enough to open and spread the bags of topsoil and moo doo (which I raked in even-ish quantities--topsoil first, moo doo above--throughout the garden).  Then I put in lettuce, cilantro and sage and watered copiously.  That is of course, once I got out all of the sticks, rocks, and pine cones the Peanut put into the watering can as said soil/doo spreading was occurring.  In between all of that, we threw Peanut's new Captain America shield around the yard like a frisbee. :)  That interested her far more than the garden tools she got for Easter. 

Cilantro and sage on the left, lettuce(s) on the right

Came home today and the garden looked good, though the cilantro and the lettuce were very wilted.  I watered them a ton last night, but it's been insanely dry (and unseasonably warm) here and with the transfer into the ground I'm thinking I'll probably need to water them at least twice a day for a little while. 

The jury is out on how the cilantro and sage will do.  My prof said they would be fine to be planted now provided that I acclimated them to the outdoors for a few hours each day (they were started in the greenhouse.) I'm more concerned with the sage, because according to some websites I've checked it says to plant in late spring, and we're still firmly in the middle of spring.  Perhaps the unseasonably warm weather will work in my favor here...but if it doesn't, I'll work on getting it dried before it conks out (hopefully). 

Speaking of drying, I'm thinking this may be the year for a food dehydrator.  I want to work more on preserving food, so that we can start a winter stock.  (Never mind that I have nowhere to put that stock...but the idea is nice!)  I've been ogling this dehydrator online.  More expensive than most, but it has excellent reviews and is completely made in the USA.  While my wallet says "CHEAP!!! GET THE CHEAP!!!!!"  the older I get the more I realize you pay for what you get...and getting a $40 dehydrator probably just won't cut it.  Plus some of the cheaper dehydrators that had good reviews were also recalled due to a fire hazard.  (Fire BAD!!!)  So if any of you--you know, all three of you ;)--have advice on a dehydrator I'm all ears! 

A Moment of Revelation

Day old Peanut, feeling the safety :)

Two days ago I came home from work and the Peanut was taking a nap.  Shortly after I got home she let out a terrified scream, and I went into her room to find her standing up, binky-less, and in hysterics.  I did what I normally do, I picked her up, gave her back her binky, rubbed her back and said in a soothing voice, "what's wrong honey?  Did you have a bad dream?"  She quickly snuggled in to me and fell back asleep.  We snuggled on the couch together for another hour after that.

While I've been a mother for nearly three years now (and am going to be one again in September), I had a moment of clarity while holding her the other afternoon...that I am her safe zone, I am her comfort, everything is right in her world when she is in my, or my husband's, arms.  I remember that feeling from when I was a child, that nothing bad could happen as long as my Mom was around.  My 4' 11" tall Mother could have taken on a gang of marauding thieves bare handed in my mind.  Nothing could hurt me in her arms, there was a safety there that was unparalleled.

I struggled with safety as a child (as I've mentioned in previous posts) because the fear of loss was there from such an early age.  But even while I may have never felt immortal as a kid, there were definite moments of safety and peace.  Sometimes I struggle finding those as an adult, because I have to be my OWN safety and peace.  But holding my little girl in my arms made me realize how I have become that safety and peace for her.  And she is totally justified in feeling it, because I know that any time, anywhere, and in any situation I will do everything in my power to protect her, to love her, to keep her safe.  Just like I know my Mom did for me.

What a powerful and beautiful feeling!

Life is too short...to stay quiet

"Sometimes I hear my voice and it's been...here...silent all these years." --Tori Amos

Most of us grew up with the firm adage of "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  It was one I took to heart. So as a kid, adolescent, adult, I've always been quiet when it comes to the matter of anger.  I don't leave issues unresolved, I have been a peacemaker, a swallower of words and feelings, a non-confrontational agree-er.  While this certainly makes things "nice" on the surface, it has led to an unhealthy relationship with anger and negativity, namely, I feel like I can't have either. 

I was a witness to domestic violence for three years as a child, and this created a huge fear of anger in me. I would close the door to try and drown out the screaming, I would hide in music and writing, I would avoid the danger in anyway I could, and vow not to ever be that way.  I didn't realize just how much of an impact on me it had until a year after it stopped I was laying in bed at our beach cottage, and heard a fight break out on the street.  In seconds I was covering my ears and rocking back and forth repeating over and over again "please make it stop."

While the incident at the beach may have been my first awareness of the issues I had with anger, my first breakthroughs didn't come through until several years later.   I had been so afraid of anger, that I never allowed myself to feel it.  If it came up, I tried to squash it as quickly as possible.  Then two seemingly "duh" revelations were pointed out to me, the first was that there is a spectrum of anger, and what I witnessed as a child wasn't anger, it was rage.  The other was that I had never fully let myself experience anger towards anyone, because they could die. So many important people died when I was a child, I couldn't be angry with the people I loved, what if they died tomorrow?  My mother often spoke about how the last conversation she had with my father wasn't exactly a nice one, and she lives with guilt about it to this day.

So in more recent years, I've navigated the murky waters of my relationship with healthy anger.  I've allowed myself to have those feelings without fear, I've learned that having them towards someone doesn't negate my relationship with them, and that if they were "gone tomorrow" that wouldn't define our relationship and what it meant.  (That doesn't stop me from wanting to make it right, from making the effort to resolve it, because I still believe that that's important, with or without anger.)  But most of all, it's helped me find my voice.  It's helped me speak up when I'm angry, it's helped me validate myself, my feelings, and all I have been through. 

The main thing I see is that I can have anger, and still be true to myself.  I can say with relative certainty that as an adult I have never said anything with malicious intent or with a desire to hurt the person I've said it to.  My aim has always been true, with or without anger attached.  And I rest easy in that knowledge, whether or not anyone else sees it.

I've been...here...silent all these years.